Sunday, January 4, 2009

I know the end of the story

I was inspired to write this after a letter I wrote to a friend.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go." John 21:18

My family has always been very involved in missions local and abroad, planting Churches, serving Jesus. As a child, on my way to the Indian Reservation with my family to spread the Word and give food and clothes, I would picture myself as an adult on the mission field in some role. However, to my shame, my teens and early twenties did not glorify Jesus. And in my mid-twenties, I went on a journey to study every religion I could find of to locate the Truth: Science of the mind, New ageism, Indian mysticism, Buddism, Hinduism and others, and thank the Lord Jesus Christ the search for the Truth led me home. The Truth was in my life all along – Jesus was always who He claimed to be: The Son of God – and I could finally see!

In my late twenties I began to serve Jesus with all my heart, and looking at the mission field again. At Metro Church in Denver, Colorado I became a fan of some missionaries to Russia and Portugal. But, I was sincerely touched by a woman who came to visit Lakewood Church of Christ who ran a Christian elementary school in India. It was small and poor, but attendance was coveted by the community due to the love of Christ Jesus.

I thought I had found my calling. In fact, I had to do a persuasive speech in my communications class at a secular college and I spoke about the Indian Christian School and my desire to go and teach/witness there. It was a secular school, but at the end of my presentation the students gave me money! I collected $30 to put toward what I would need to get to India. The professor said he’d never seen anything like it. The Spirit was moving beautifully and my life was good. Alas, that $30 still sits --as do I – stateside.

Funny how things work. . .I’ve heard it said, “We make plans and God laughs.” I don’t know about that, but I do know in my life I’ve made plans and He says, “Wait.” Not just mission plans, but ministry plans, family plans, writing, education and career plans too. And, He says, “Wait.” “Wait” is not the easiest thing to do.

I’ve said to my Lord for many years, “I’ll go anywhere you want me to go.” But I think I always meant “anywhere but here.” And, as I’ve stayed “here”, I have remained extremely faithful and in love with the Son of God. I will not leave Him ever again. Like Peter said in John 6:68
“Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
Yes, eternal life and ironically, the Truth for which I left Him to search for in my twenties.

I wondered if I was the only one who felt this way. Was I the only one God asked to stay put -- to “Wait.”

Sarah came to mind. God asked her to wait for His promises to be revealed and fulfilled. Wait well into her elder years. I have a very strong bond with Abraham’s wife. I know we are very different. She was very beautiful; she was a wife, and the mother of many nations. I am pretty frumpy, single, and the mother of none, and yet I feel we are united.

That bond developed while I was reading the book: SARAH: Book One of the Canaan Trilogy by Marek Halter. It’s a good book. I read it a couple of years ago. And page after page I found myself saying, “Hang on Sarah. Don’t fret. Don’t give up hope. I know the end of the story.” I found myself wanting to step into her story and tell her what I know. A few months later as I was in despair, losing hope and laughing at the prospect that God had plans for me to prosper; I heard a distant voice saying, “Hang on, child. Don’t fret. Don’t give up hope. I know the end of the story.” Love, Sarah.

From my viewpoint it seems like all those around me have “go orders”. I have great respect for you all and admiration beyond belief. I feel so lucky God has placed you in my life. But, my question is; Has God asked you to wait?

The lyrics below went with this blog so well. It’s a great song with a feel of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I’ll have to spotlight “Tourniquet” in PFF sometime. For now, I show up where I am and wait for the end of the story!

Crawl To China - Tourniquet
Is God asking you to crawl to China - or just to cross the street?
to trudge through the desert through Arabian heat
or to accomplish the impossible - an Herculean feat
or maybe just trade in bad thoughts obsolete

Is it the concentration camps at Dackow?
is it Joan of Arc revisited?
Niagara Falls in a barrel?
or to mend a broken relationship instead?

Crawl to China

He is faithful - it remains in His hands
from the cold barren Arctic to the war stricken lands
from the place in your heart where despair takes its hold
to the lairs of the demons where deceptions are told
is God asking you to crawl to China or just to cross the street?

Crawl to China

With emotional rigormortis freezing your step
you won't be going far at all
it feels pretty safe but the danger is real
you won't grow until you face the fear that you feel

Crawl to China


Brandon Barr said...

Hey gzusfreek,

It sounds like God has put in your heart the desire to go to "into all the nations," but like you said, he's telling you to "wait".

Perhaps there's some mission field here at home he has for you, and at just the right moment, you'll run into it...people at work, folks around town.

All I know is, when you spend time with God, his desires burn inside. His heart becomes your heart. And that sounds like what's happening with you. He must have some perfect timing in store for you. haha. From our human Point's of View...the wait is so hard!

I feel the same as you, but in a more general way. "God, take me where you want me to go. My life is your's." I share with my co-workers, I try to love them like Jesus does. Nothing radical has happened yet that I'm aware of. But maybe it has begun, and I just can't see it yet. :)

gzusfreek said...

BB~Thank you for the comments. Yep, for now, I show up where I am and wait for the end of the story!

I sure get comfort from writng and love the new world he's opened to me. I am humble and grateful!

BBarr, I can't help but think there are many people in your life, at work, and reading what you write that are touched radically as you let the Spirit move through your life!

Thank you for reading my writing!

Kat Harris said...

The very same feelings have gone through my mind.

When I finally prayed to God and asked him about whether or not I was doing what he wanted me to do with my life this is what happened:

Good blog today!

Anonymous said...

Great post, Gzusfreek. It is funny, though. We all make our plans and goals for the new year....but in actuality, we can plan all we want's God's plan, not ours.

I love that reassurance, knowing God is there, in all I do.

Thanks for the post. Have a great day!!!

Alison Bryant said...

This really touched me; God is using it to encourage me. Thanks so much for sharing yourself with eloquent honesty.

gzusfreek said...

Kat~Thanks for "-thing-happened-on-way-to-work". Thanks for your comments!

LRush~I am too grateful for His reassurance too! Thanks for stopping by!

Alison~Your comments mean so much to me! Thank you so much!

Avily Jerome said...

Wow, what a wonderful, powerful, introspective post!!!

I'm so proud of you for learning this lesson that God is teaching you, and learning to be content with where He has put your for right now!

Keep it up, and remember you're in my prayers!

See you Wednesday!

gzusfreek said...

AJ~Thank you for such complimentary comments. They warmed me and made my day! Thank you!
I can't wait for tomorrow!